What do I do?

[Jooliee]

I have been reading the discussions with interest and love the idea of having a place to talk to others in similar situations.
I am in a weird situation. I have been watching my bestest friend in the whole world go through this and she knows I am there for her whatever it is she wants, wether its a cuddle a drunken chat putting the world to rights or anything. Yet, in our family, we have a adoption 'secret' (except it isn't really - if it makes sense). Years and years ago (I was probably about 9) I was going through the family desk thing looking for something and came across a letter from a man I think his name was Michael looking for his Mum, Enid. She was my Dad's Auntie then she was his Step-Mum. After my Nan died of Cancer his Dad married on of her spinster Sisters, they would have both been in their 40's I guess if not older. (Apparently it was the done thing back in those days, so the men had woman looking after them!?). They had many happy years together and I loved my Auntie Enid, we even shared the same Birthday. She died some years before the letter arrived. Having asked my Mum about the letter, she told me that Auntie Enid had a baby boy out of wedlock and was 'forced' to give him up due to society at that time. She explained that Dad had been sent the letter out of the blue, it was obviously read loads of times. But, I still don't think my Dad responded to the letter, not out of anything other than not knowing what to do. So, here I am with very little information of my Cousin, except that I know about him and having seen my friend going through what she is I just feel sad that I did not have the courage to come out and ask my Dad about the letter directly. I tried finding the letter a year a so afterwards but it had disappeared. As, I have a different surname to my Dad so I cannot imagine that 'Michael' would know to approach me or my Sister or if in fact he did contact my Uncles, but it still haunts me that I could have given him information about how lovely his Mum was. I am not even sure that after 20 years that he would be at the same address if my Dad had kept the letter. Its so sad really. Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this?

[debs188]

hi. i have just read your mail. what i could say is i could put myself in that same catagory. just i wasnt adopted. i just didnt know my father. but i have found 2 brothers and a sister who dont want to know any part of her father. (her loss) but if you know the name of your cousin and where he was born you can find him. do you know his age now or rough idea. try to remember where you aunt was living when she had him. ask any member of your family. then contact ukpeoplefinders they will help you the way they help me. that if you want to go that far. tell them debbie sent you. good luck x

[Dawn]

Hi Jooliee,

Thank you for your post.

It is a very confusing situation!

It’s really hard to know the right thing to say/do when a family has been split apart like that – Michael may not even know he is adopted and so could open a whole can of worms. However, he may have been looking for you and your family. I know how it feels to wonder if you're anything alike. I'd suggest you have a chat with your dad see what he thinks. Unfortunately it may just always be one of those things that people feel is better in the past.

I wish you luck

Dawn x 

[Jooliee]

Thanks to both of you, I know limited information about my cousin, but I know a fair bit about my Auntie. I like the idea of trying the website you suggested Debbie, I guess I will feel a bit better once I try to do something. I was thinking of chatting with my mum about the letter to see if she still has it too. Am so glad I could have the chance to get some others points of view without upsetting my family <hug>

[Dawn]

That's what we're here for!

I wish you luck

Dawn 

[debs188]

hi.
like dawn said. it could well it would open the past like dawn said. call me selfish if you want but i was told the same thing when doing my search. but i had a attitude with mine. i didnt care. because i didnt put myself here and i told myself i am entitled to know the other half of me. even if i my dad was alive and happily married. that wouldnt be my problem. he put me here and no one should mess with a life like that. but do whats best for you and how you feel about it.
                        Debbie 

[Dawn]

I think everyone has to judge their own situations. At the end of the day you can only do what feels right. Everybody has an opinion and you can never please everyone!

Dawn

[D.Sauck]

go see your GP. It could be anything. You dont want to hear nasty stories on here what it may or may not be.



Go get checked out.